Power Dynamics in Relationships

TOPICS IN THIS EPISODE

• Who has power in your relationship?
• Exercise to help you shift power dynamics

HELPFUL  LINKS

• About the Host  - Ela Senghera 
• Speak to Me - Book Here
• Get Free Brochure  - Be True You in Your Relationship
• Audiobook - Finding Love
• Parenting Book (2nd Edition) - Teach Your Kids to Build a Positive Self-Image

Transcript

So today we are talking about power dynamics, and power dynamics are a crucial aspect of all relationships. So let's start from defining the meaning of power and give you a little bit better understanding about different forms of powers and what tools have you got at our disposal to manage this power dynamics in your relationship? 

So power is present in all relationships and whether that is at work and at home, in a personal or professional setting. Interestingly, these days we talk so much about different expectations, boundaries, trust, our needs, but we don't talk so much about power, and many people have this bad reaction when we even mentioned the word power. We tend to emphasise the abuses of power and not realise that actually there are different forms of power in relationships. 

So why is the equal spread of power important in relationship so important? Because it helps us to ensure that both partners are respected and that their needs and opinions are taken into consideration, so both people feel valued and respected. It also helps to create a more balanced and a healthy relationship as both partners are able to express themselves and have their voices heard.

What happens when there is unequal spread of power or when there is a power imbalance in a relationship? When that happens, one person typically has more control and influence over the other person and this can lead to unhealthy dynamic where one person is constantly trying to assert dominance over the other person and this can lead to feelings of resentment, insecurity and powerlessness between two people.

So some of you might have heard of Jordan Peterson. He's a Canadian psychologist, human behavioural expert and author of few books. Jordan Peterson believes that a healthy relationship requires a balance of power between two people, with each partner having an equal say in decisions and both partners feeling respected and valued. Jordan Peterson also believes that power dynamics should be based on merit and individual responsibility. He think that people should be rewarded for their hard work and effort and that those who are more capable should be given more responsibility.

Jordan Peterson also believes that people should be held accountable for their actions in relationships. But first and foremost a balance of power is essential between the two people who both have equal say in decisions. 

What happens when that doesn't happen? Well, when that doesn't occur, we feel disrespected, undervalued. Our self esteem and our confidence might be low, and we might really question ourselves and our relationship. But there are different ways in which we can ensure that we have a healthy power dynamics in our romantic relationship.  I'm going to mention four of them.

1.  Communicate openly and honestly with each other about your needs and your expectations. So it's important to find a communication style to talk about your needs, your expectations and your desires. This is essential. You absolutely cannot underplay the importance of this. And if you don't ever mention your needs, your expectations, your desires, there's a guarantee you're going to sooner or later feel very unhappy and or perhaps even abused.

2. Respect each other's boundaries and opinions. So for a relationship to really thrive and for us to ensure that we have a healthy power dynamics, we need to respect each other's boundaries and we need to respect each other's opinions. So it's not the case that one person matters more. One person makes all the decisions and the other person does all the work at home. That is unequal balance of power.

3. Healthy way to communicate your needs, to communicate your boundaries, to communicate your opinions, and for the other person to hear you hear what you've got to say and respect what you've got to say.

4. It's also essential that both partners have equal say in decision making. There is a mutual respect and there is mutual communication and there is a mutual decision making and taking time to listen to each other and speak about what is important to you.

I hope this has helped to put in context of how we can influence that power dynamics in our relationship now let's move to talking about power and and and the importance and the definition of power.