How to Manage Conflict in a Relationship?

TOPICS IN THIS EPISODE

•  Why is conflict so common in romantic relationships?
•  What are the DO's and DON'Ts when it comes to managing conflict?
• How to ensure your relationship survive? - 4 skills

HELPFUL  LINKS

• About the Host  - Ela Senghera 
• Speak to Me - Book Here
• Get Free Brochure  - Be True You in Your Relationship
• Audiobook - Finding Love
• Parenting Book (2nd Edition) - Teach Your Kids to Build a Positive Self-Image

Transcript

Conflicts and disagreements are unavoidable in romantic relationships, as anyone who has ever been in a relationship, can confirm. These conflicts can range from big to small arguments and their duration and intensity can vary. However one thing is sure - all relationships will experience disagreements at some point, but it's how you handle them that counts! In fact, when handled appropriately, it can strengthen your bond with your partner. And remember that if you never address your problems you will never solve them.

The ability to handle arguments in a constructive way will allow you to better understand your partner and find a solution that benefits both. However, on the other hand, dealing with arguments poorly can sometimes worsen your relationship. It can cause resentment, which over time can cause a relationship breakdown. How you handle disagreements with your partner can influence whether your relationship will stay healthy or will become unsupportive or even emotionally draining. Below are some suggestions for what to keep in mind next time you are facing a conflict in your relationship. 

1. Be calm and respectful during heated conversations
   Refrain from becoming defensive, judgmental or insulting your partner.  If you notice that your partner repeatedly becomes agitated, or hostile it’s time to take a break and cool off. Equally, this can also be an indication that your relationship has become abusive. Remember that no one should yell at you, use swear words or make you feel worried about your safety when you are arguing, regardless of what the conflict is about or who started it. Whatever relationship you are in, you should never feel threatened or scared. If you do - it’s time to seriously consider the future of this relationship.
   
   
   
2. Agree to find common ground
   It's important to find a balance between what each partner wants and feels comfortable doing. If you are committed to making your relationship work, pay attention to how you communicate your differences and - you are likely to find an understanding without feeling like you are making significant compromises for your relationship. However, there will be times when you and your partner just aren't able to agree. It's best to accept disagreement in these circumstances. This means that both of you understand you have different opinions and that you both won't continue an argument just for the sake of proving who is right and who is wrong. 
   
   Conflict resolution often involves making compromises, and showing maturity in the way you communicate and respond, both of which are essential in every healthy relationship. 
   
   
3. Choose your battles wisely
   Sometimes it's best to just ignore a little issue. It probably isn't worth your energy if you are likely to forget about this ‘’issue’’ the following week. Couples that are upset frequently bring up a variety of subjects in the heat of the moment. Although it may seem obvious, a heated argument on one issue can quickly devolve into a complaining session in which both parties air their grudges. The likelihood that any of your complaints will really be properly discussed and fixed decreases as you point out more resentments. It’s also much harder to go back to ‘’normality’’ afterwards.
   
   
   
4. Express your emotions without blaming the other
   Relationships can suffer especially when one partner makes statements that criticise or judge the other's character. What you can do instead is use "I statements" and match them with "behaviour descriptions" as a more constructive approach. ‘’I ..’’ statements concentrate on how you feel without placing blame on your relationship while behaviour descriptions concentrate on a specific action your partner is taking rather than a flaw.  For example, you might say “I get irritated when you interrupt me when I’m speaking” instead of “You always interrupt me when I’m speaking”. These strategies are direct that don’t target your partner’s character.
   
   
   
5. Know when you need a time-out
   Consider taking a break from your disagreement if you are not feeling well, you are increasingly more and more agitated or you notice your partner not listening to a single word you say. If you or your partner are not listening to each other, there is no point in continuing to speak as you are only losing your precious energy. Taking a break to take a few deep breaths can help to cool off a stressful situation or a fiery temper. Maintaining composure under pressure is essential to effective conflict management. Relationship benefits might result from airing your problems, but you must learn to manage disagreements in a non-emotional,  mature way to avoid letting conflict destroy your relationship.