How to Support New Parents?

TOPICS IN THIS EPISODE

• What is postnatal depression and why does it happen?
• Dads struggle too and need our support
• How can we support new parents in their transition into parenthood?

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Transcript

Today's our topic is ‘’How to Support New Parents ?’’ This is an important topic as most people suffer in silence. 

I'm going to be talking about what we all can do to support new mums and their families and prevent mental ill health. So some of you might be aware that around 20% of women experience perinatal mental illness and many feel unable to seek treatment due to the stigma. Given the fact that we will know someone who's been pregnant or work with someone who is pregnant, having conversations that break mental health stigma is vital.  

It’s only recently that we have started talking about maternal mental health, but it's definitely a step in the right direction. 

Motherhood is a journey that has many learning curves. It requires a woman to be kind and gentle with herself. To show love and care to herself. To learn to set boundaries and trust her instincts. Self-care becomes an essential part of this process. By learning to prioritise her own needs, a woman takes an active part in the process of becoming her own friend, a happier mother and is therefore better positioned to be able to better care for others, including her children. And this needs to be supported and encouraged by others. 

After the birth of a child many mothers may experience a period of mental ill health , also known as post natal depression. The symptoms here are very similar to depression and can manifest as low moods, withdrawal, feeling isolated,  or not wanting to bond or connect with your child, feeling overwhelmed which can result in increased anxiety.. And here lack of sleep doesn't help

It’s important that we are aware of these symptoms as knowing them will help us support new mums better and encourage them to seek professional help. 

Postnatal depression can also affect new fathers, by putting increased pressure on them to provide for the family. Here in the UK the cost of childcare is very high and this can make new dads feel overwhelmed, physically or mentally exhausted or depressed. After becoming dads men might communicate differently and it’s not uncommon that relationships can be strained. 

The symptoms in men might be different, but that doesn't mean that men don't find it hard to adjust to new life and don’t need support.  There is also this unrealistic expectation that the journey into motherhood will be that of a positive experience. Mothers will be able to adapt to their significant change without needing to address their mental well being first. Yet this is very rary the case. Many women feel lost, overwhelmed and isolated when coming to terms with their new reality. 

So with motherhood there is a strong belief that, as a mother, you will be able to provide, nurture, care-give and teach your children without addressing and nurturing your needs first, which needless to say does not serve many women well. These expectations are silent, rarely spoken about, but have a huge impact on the well being of every mother out there.  

Yet, lack of self care in working mothers is one of the leading causes contributing to poor life satisfaction, increased levels of stress, anxiety, relationship strain, lower performance at work and depression. Many women are yet to learn the art of prioritising their own needs and acting on their desires. Let’s remember that when a baby is born this new situation requires a lot of adjustment between partners and a real change of our priorities and our attitudes. And this change can cause lots of stress and be emotionally draining.

So, how can you support new parents as a friend or a family member? 

Well, there are many things, but the most obvious one are: to 

1. Offer your company 

You don’t have to do anything special. If you know a friend, a colleague or a sister who is pregnant just being in touch with them will make them feel less isolated. Send them a simple message and say something like: ‘’Anytime you want to talk I'm here to listen''. Think of activities that you can do together. Go for a walk in the park, for a coffee. These small activities will mean so much to a new mum or dad. 

For many people, including myself, becoming a parent can make them feel like they are losing touch with themselves. And remember that having a friend can be very reassuring - especially for new mums who are not filled with confidence and often experience fear of judgement. 

2. Offer some help

If you like children - offer to babysit. Looking after their baby might give them an hour or two where they will be able to go for a walk or a run, have a shower, go shopping or get some sleep. This could be invaluable time for a new mum or dad. It will help them feel that they have control over their life and they will be able to catch a breath. If you don’t want to do babysitting - you could bring them some homemade food, some cake or coffee, help tidy up their house or get their shopping done for them. Or simply offer time to speak on the phone, whenever they feel like they need company. This will really help a new mum feel that their needs matter too and that they are supported. 

3. If they say they are struggling - help them find the support they need

People generally struggle to admit that they are not doing or feeling great. They are ashamed to admit this. And the thing is that we never know what the other person is going through, as people are afraid to open up so it might help to say that you are there to listen, without judgement or giving advice. Offering them this space to open up and be themselves will be invaluable. Listening can be a helpful way to help when the other person is feeling isolated, overwhelmed or lonely.  However if they have mentioned that they are constantly feeling low, feeling depressed or struggling to bond with their baby, encourage them to seek help. There are lots of different forms of help and support, like mums groups, charities, anonymous chat lines, engaging in outdoor activities or seeking help with your GP.  For some people getting outside the house is enough, others prefer counselling. There are various resources available to new mums. 

Conversations can really help stop the early signs of depression. Postnatal depression and anxiety is much easier to recover from when spotted earlier.