How to Build Your Support Network?

TOPICS IN THIS EPISODE

• What is our self -worth  and where does it come from?
• How is our self-worth and self -image connected to the people we attract ? 
• How to build a healthy support network ? 

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Transcript

So today we will discuss how to find our supporters, so people who will help us grow and develop. We will also discuss the connection of self-worth to attracting the right people to our lives. 

So, some of you might be familiar with the concept of self-worth.  Self-worth is an internal image; it's the way in which we perceive ourselves and our life.

There is an overall general self-worth, which is stable and does not change much. This is the way in which we see ourselves.  That general self-worth does not depend on external goods. There is also relative self-worth, which is based on how we feel when somebody gives us a compliment or how we feel when we buy an expensive car …

You might wonder where does self-worth come from?  It comes from our childhood and people who are around us. So ever since we are small we hear from others: how we are, who we are. Our family has a crucial impact on how we perceive ourselves from a young age.

The level of self acceptance and self-confidence and our self-worth is mostly formed during our childhood. We have certain mechanisms which we used to feel better about ourselves for example buying a gift or a new watch, however that self-worth has nothing to do with these external things. It’s more connected with seeing yourselves in a positive light for who we are, not what we have. 

People sometimes increase their self-worth by associating themselves with groups of other people who can make them feel better, but this isn't sustainable in the long term. It isn't a healthy way to increase your self-esteem. We need to work on feeling good about ourselves despite how others feel about us. Practising this will give us a high level of self-esteem, which in return will give us an opportunity for emotional freedom. It’s a freedom to choose when to react, how to express ourselves and who to be friends with. So that we are not dependent on the opinions of others, we don’t rely on the fact that somebody likes us or not….we feel good regardless…. So we need to cultivate this positive self image and positive self-esteem in us because from that we will get emotional freedom. This freedom to live how we want to live and this is hugely connected to the people we are surrounded with. 

And I don't mean our husbands or children but external people, friends, acquaintances or contacts. It all is very very connected to our self-esteem and self-worth. It's important to notice that people with low self-esteem are very sensitive to how others see them. They take everything to heart… it's very easy to hurt them… People with low self-esteem are often quite unhappy about who they are. They can get obsessed with their self image and obsessed with what others think of them…

People with low self esteem quite often don't accept themselves for who they are and don't really like themselves, so they would be looking to surround themselves with people who will make them feel good, who will boost their confidence, will give them a compliment and will give them their approval…That is not something we should be doing on the long-term basis. We should be basing decisions on who to spend our time with, based on our interests, our goals, our hobbies and what we want to achieve in life.  So let's work on positive self-esteem and build a network of people that support us in our growth. Our friendships are often a very good reflection of our positive self image. You see, hanging out in the environment that supports us is very different to spending time with people just to get their approval.  If we spend time with people who perhaps are not very confident themselves - they are unlikely to give us encouraging advice and show optimism to our latest business idea…

Friend is someone who should be able to give you constructive feedback guilt free, knowing that you don’t dump them as a friend - not shower you with compliments! If someone tells you that you are doing everything great, they are not giving you a platform to grow..

We often spend time with people who are likely to give us a compliment, likely to be similar to us, who might have similar struggles to us and by sharing your struggles would make us feel a little bit better,,, but that's not what I recommend.

What I recommend is building a positive self-image and a good level of self-esteem. This is step one. This takes time and practice.  Step two is setting goals, deciding what I want For example - do I want to stay the same? Or do I want change in my life? And what time of change?

And step three is writing down how does my current circle of friends support me in my goals, in what i want to achieve? 

Step four is connecting with people who have similar goals, strive for similar things, or perhaps have already succeeded in this. If you don't know anyone like that then look at your current circle and write down who is most likely to support you and who is likely to make you feel doubtful about your skills and abilities, confused or just feel low, by regularly transferring their anxiety to you. You might realise that you spend lots of time with people who don't support you and show no interest in your plans or goals…

At the end of the day we are the average of 5 people we spend most time with!!

Let’s build positive self esteem so that we don’t continuously look for approval or advice on what to do.. Positive self image will tell us what is best for us, we will believe it and go for it. If we continuously look for advice and opinions of others on whether we should take a new direction in life, whether we should change our job, etc..they will advise us from their point of view - what is best for them, not what is genuinely the best for us. This is because they see the world from their perspective, not our perspective.  

Only we know what's best for us and what we are really unhappy with and need to change.  Other people will not understand the significance of this even if we explain this to them.

It's all nice and supportive to share our struggles with others, 

AS LONG AS THIS DOES NOT CONSUME ALL YOUR ENERGY..

If you really want to improve your life, you are looking for a change, a better life satisfaction -  be selective about who we are spending our time with. 

Ask yourself a question: Are you happy to be the average of the five people you spend most time with or do you want something more? Decision is yours.